And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
