Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
