Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
