i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
