im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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