he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
