nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
