Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
