is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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