barbara walters just said penis...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
