If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
