I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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