Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
