Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
