an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need a beard to bite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
