It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
