every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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