There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
