my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
