Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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