At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
