This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
