Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
