GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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