i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
