It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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