I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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