I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
