Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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