we have pet lesbian snakes
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
