Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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