Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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