Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
