I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
