Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
