Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
