she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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