Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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