I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
