yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
