Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
