we're chasing vodka with high fives
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
