I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
