we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
