I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
