I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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