There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
