I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
