Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
