When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
