i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
