I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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