I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
