we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
