wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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