Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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