Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
